in that case, the FBI has seen me:

• eat/drink
• pick my nose
• talk to myself
• make exaggerated expressions
• yell at games
• cry
• pull the hairs out of my chin and other places I should not be growing such thick hair (stupid hirsutism)
• whip out my boobs to poke at the weird bumps
• inspect my fat rolls
• dry off after showering
• suck my thumb out of boredom
• masturbate

a sugar daddy when I can’t possibly compete with all the other far more attractive girls (and guys) with better everything-about-thems looking for one too?

I don’t even care about having really expensive things. (But then again, maybe the money could help me out in the looks department.) I’ll do anything he wants as long as in return I can afford a modest place of my own with furniture that isn’t uncomfortable, and do not contract an STD from him. Because I definitely don’t have the ability to obtain any of that on my own. (Not that I wanted to obtain said STD.)

ow my brain

for some political reason and the wedding was being televised worldwide.
Some maid was yelling at me to go get my hair done because the ceremony was in three hours but I didn’t want to stop sitting on the edge of a pool.
I went anyway and ran into my groom. We talked. I freaked out because I didn’t know how to do the vows in Russian and didn’t want to embarrass the United States yet again. But he was very kind about it and hugged me and said something in this really nice way and I’m pretty sure was not his actual voice. (Edit: Had to go watch some random video to check, it actually was his voice. What.)
We parted and I started to get dressed, then I woke up.

I’m pretty sure that was the most random fucking dream I’ve ever had.